I’m so glad you chose to read this post series! I pray it is a huge blessing to you. Just in case you are wondering, Peace is not a Pastor or a theologian, all she is writing was learnt from the practical school of life under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit, the Word and the wisdom she has gleaned from Mentors and Godly community. So, feel free to contribute and reprove in love if necessary. I understand it is very lengthy but please try to stick with me till the end!
Grab a cup of coffee or a bowl of pop corn and relax! I promise you, it would be worth it!
As opposed to the popular belief of mostly “religious folks”, singles just like every other human being on the planet, have a sex drive. We are not aliens void of sexual feelings or maybe sexual organs. Sorry to burst your bubble! I say this because sometimes the church finds a subtle way of not paying attention to this. Its always so easy to quote and emphasize Hebrews 13:4 or 1 Corinthians 6:18 during singles meetings and gatherings but when it comes to discussing the practical solutions, real issues and temptations saved singles experience, it suddenly becomes the elephant in the room.
It is impossible for me to discuss sex without acknowledging its creator; God. The Bible tells us in John 1:3, “Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made”. Just like the creations of man, to accurately decipher any product, you need the manufacturer’s manual. Though most times, at our own risk, we often by pass the manual and rely on our wisdom and instincts. Our manual as believers is the Bible. Right from the book of Genesis, God orchestrated the first marriage (Genesis 2:22-24). In Genesis 2:24 after marriage, Adam and Eve became one flesh (they had sex). Therefore, going by God’s order and definition, marriage comes before sex.
Everything God created was very good (“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” –Genesis 1:31) therefore, it is not out of the box to say that ‘Sex is very Good!” However, like it is popularly quoted, “When the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitable.” God created sex for His glory and He orchestrated it to occur within the confines of marriage not before or outside of it. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “it is not good for man to be alone”, this shows us how much God desires for us to have relationships and community. God created us as sexual beings to desire intimacy and love. Therefore, our desire for intimacy and love is perfectly normal! The problem comes when we use that desire to do things that are against God’s will.
From the Garden of Eden, we can observe that the God head intimately created us in God’s image and likeness to have an intimate fellowship and relationship first, with Him and then with others. When God saw Adam was alone, He presented the animals before him to name them and to find a help-meet for him, but he could not find a suitable help from the animals. It was until he woke up from his rib-cage surgery and was wowed by the magnificent image of Eve that he finally found a help-meet. When he saw her, he could not help but scream “…this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!” (Genesis 2:18-23)
All relationships in Eden were flourishing, Adam and Eve were using their sexuality to worship and develop intimacy with God and themselves. They were in constant fellowship with the Father! They were perfect and satisfied! But in Genesis 3, the serpent ignorantly came into the picture and attempted to ruin God’s plan. Eve ate the fruit and gave Adam to take a bite. Only God knows what Adam was thinking or doing that he totally forgot to ask where she plucked it from! Such intimacy and trust! Maybe he was just smitten and carried away by her charm and beauty. The influence and power of a woman! LOL. The fall of man brought sin and everything that seems to perverse and distort the original plan of God. But thank God that through Jesus we were restored back to intimacy and fellowship with God! (Romans 5:12-21)
The fallen man brought the manifestations of the flesh, sin and death. But thank God for Redemption through Jesus; Our Spirit received eternal Life and victory over the works of the flesh! The flesh is constantly at war with the Spirit, the Bible tells us in Galatians 5:17, “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.” Jesus restored us back to our original state of worship and intimacy with God. The veil is no more closed, it was torn wide open from top to bottom! Jesus made Himself the veil! Hebrews 10:19-21(MSG) says, “So, friends, we can now—without hesitation—walk right up to God, into “the Holy Place.” Jesus has cleared the way by the blood of His sacrifice, acting as our priest before God. The “curtain” into God’s presence is His body.” What a great privilege we have!
Since the fall of man, the devil has been roaming about ‘like’ a roaring lion seeking for whom to devour. His aim just like it has been from the garden is to perverse and distort anything that God created. The Bible tells us in Revelations 12: 12 “Therefore rejoice, your heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.” The kingdom of darkness is working round the clock to see and ensure that sexuality, the “idea of sex” and the “act of sex” is perfectly distorted; imitated with intent to deceive and perverted with a sole goal to kill, steal and destroy! But we are not ignorant of his schemes, and praise be to God who causes us to triumph.
Sex-drive is a person’s urge to seek satisfaction of their sexual needs. The default nature of the flesh is to seek satisfaction of it’s inexhaustible and insatiable needs and desires. When it is hungry, you eat; when it’s sleepy you sleep …etc. What then happens when it desires sexual satisfaction and you are a saved single?! I’m pretty sure some religious folks might try to bash and crucify me on this one. “Why would she say a saved single has urges to satisfy their sexual desires?!” Brethren, so long as we remain in the flesh on earth, we will face temptations.
Think of this, even Jesus was tempted. How much more you? The devil would always capitalize on our God given natural desires to tempt us to use them against God’s will. The Bible tells us in James 1:14-15 “Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up. God is impervious to evil and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood and becomes a real killer.”
From the beginning the devil’s old trick has always been focused on our natural, legitimate and God given ability to desire. Just picture his classically subtle conversation with Eve: Genesis 3:1-6 (MSG):
The serpent was clever, cleverer than any wild animal GOD had made. He spoke to the Woman: “Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?”
“The Woman said to the serpent, “Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It’s only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, ‘Don’t eat from it; don’t even touch it or you’ll die.’”
The serpent told the Woman, “You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.”
When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything! —she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.”
Like I always say to myself: “if you are not replying the devil with the Word, like Jesus did, then do not even bother going into a conversation with him. Do not even open the door! Not to talk of slamming it! If you converse with him outside of the Word, you most likely might lose the debate! The devil knows the word, He can only get you when he sees you are ignorant or oblivious about it. #StudytheWord #Bewise”
God wrapped our desires and passions in a beautiful tapestry called sexuality. We need our sexuality first to worship and develop an intimate relationship with God (I would be expanding on this in Part 3 of this series) and secondly, to fulfil His purpose on earth. The first facet of His purpose for us is to worship him. The second part is encapsulated in Genesis 1:28 – “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” Sex is a sacred and intimate form of worship.
The urge to seek satisfaction of our sexual needs (sex-drive) is God’s idea. If we do not have it, how then do we biologically multiply or enjoy sex in marriage? Sometimes in the Christian community, there is an unspoken expectation of singles to switch off their sex drive and then automatically switch it on the moment they get married! Sexuality is the essence of an individual. How do you expect a full human being created by the highest God to switch off their sexuality? That is only attempting to stifle the creativity and meaning of God’s creation.
Here’s my best definition for sexuality from the Bible: Romans 12: 1(MSG)
“So, here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.”
In this age social and 3D media, everything around loudly advertises and increases the reality and existence of sex and sexuality. It is very paramount as saved singles and in short as the church to arise and speak up for the truth. Yes, I understand the barriers that talking about the elephant might have especially in a “Christian environment” but are we going to leave conversations and inventions about this elephant for the kingdom of darkness. NO! We must intentionally arise and take our place! We must arise and break the silence! Whether we admit it or not “Christian singles” are dealing with these issues and unless we are bold enough to confront this elephant, alot of unspoken, unimaginable, terrible and hidden things would continue to occur especially within the church. Let us stop over spiritualizing it! I mean we are not going to be having it in heaven! Are we?! So why allow it to stop us from getting to heaven or stop souls from getting into the kingdom!
Saved singles I must say that it is important that you embrace and acknowledge the fact that you have a sex-drive. I perfectly understand the pressures but trying to ignore it or deny it’s existence is not going to help you rather it would rob you of the opportunity of being your authentic self. Eating rightly or being on a diet doesn’t mean you are a glutton, the fact you are napping doesn’t mean you are lazy; therefore, the fact you have a sex drive doesn’t mean you are lustful or immoral! When you struggle with those urges, it is easier to get help when you are in touch with the reality of the issue. When you are living in denial, oblivion or obscurity, most times it infiltrates your relationship, openness and intimacy with God.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” -Hebrews 4:15. Jesus is your “Husband”, when those feelings start creeping up on you, do not think about them for a second, run to Him! He understands and would help you.
God created us with a sexual drive for His pleasure and purpose on earth. Your sex-drive is a huge reservoir of energy of its own, which could be channelled into creative energy and pursing your purpose on earth. The struggle of the wait might be real, but the Goodness of God is more real. “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honour beside God’s throne”– Hebrews 12: 2.
The problem is not the need of the flesh to satisfy its desires, but the issue is whether you choose to obey its cravings. “For those who are led by the Spirit are the children of God” Romans 8:14. Thank God for the Holy Spirit and His constant leading and direction. I personally had a long and hard time struggling with this elephant; it was even more disturbing and difficult to handle because I had to put in more effort and energy into hiding it from the “Christians” around me because of the fear of being judged, shamed and misunderstood but thank God that He saw my struggle and delivered me graciously from the cycle and bondage of sin and the need for control over the wheel of my sex drive (I would be sharing more about this in part 2; http://www.hersingledays.com/2018/12/26/let-god-drive-your-sex-drive-break-the-silence-part-2/)
Finally, the issue is not sexual immorality, it is the root of sin; the issue isn’t your sex drive! It is how you channel and make use of it. Most of the things you maybe struggling with may be because you are trying to take the drivers seat of your sex drive or you may even be the active driver. God would not by pass your will, if you desire the grace to triumph over the elephant in the room, get up now from the wheel and ‘LET’ GOD drive not only your sex drive but your entire life!
Say this prayer if you desire that God becomes the driver of your life:
I thank you for the sacrifice of your son, Jesus. Thank you for His blood that cleansed me from all my sins. Thank you for your unconditional love for me. I acknowledge I have been driving my life and filling up your space in my life with so many things that do not glorify you. I ask that you come in to my life and take the wheel. Be the driver of my life! I receive your love today! Give me the grace to yield to your leading and stay in your love. Thank you for making me a new creation. In Jesus’s name! (Amen)
I strongly believe this post blessed you! Part 2 promises to be far much better by God’s Grace! You may want to take a coffee or pop corn break and proceed immediately! LOL
Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?
Matthew 16:24-26 (MSG)