Relationship & Singleness,  Spirituality & Purpose

Single But Not “Single” (Part 1)

Sometimes I wonder why singleness is always caged within the confines of marital status. The popular norm is, if you are single then it automatically means you are unmarried, “Bae-less” or “Boo-less”. This is not false but, in my opinion, it is limited and myopic. To decipher and critically analyse the word in a broader sense; to be “Single” means to be one, focused, whole, unique, exclusive, chosen, set-apart, distinguished or unmarried.

For so many years, I dreaded being bae-less. The moment I was out of one relationship, I would quickly hop to the next. I never gave myself the time to take a break, to heal or reminisce. I was so broken and emotionally shattered that I constantly did everything possible to avoid myself. Even when I managed to be bae-less for a few months, I always had an “an interlude guy” (My definition for a guy who was my short-term bae pending when a long-term bae comes along) in my life. For so long, I was single but not “single”. That is why I still can’t believe that I am single, whole and satisfied right now! The devil thought he had me at my throat with his lies, tricks and shenanigans but I am more than thankful that Jesus chased and found me just at the nick of time!

Nobody was born married! Regardless of the circumstance of our birth, we were all born into the world “unmarried”. “He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created.” (Genesis 5: 2-NIV). Before you get into a relationship or get married, it is important that you find yourself as a whole individual. The reason why many people have issues in their relationships and marriage, is because they entered it without discovering themselves. If you haven’t discovered yourself, how do you expect to discover another individual? Many of us spend so much time getting to know and nurture others but fail to pay attention to ourselves.

Getting married or preparing for marriage is awesome but it becomes overrated when we make an idol of it at the expense of our season of singleness. Singleness is a season God created and it has a purpose just like marriage! “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-KJV)

Your single season should not be a time when you get so preoccupied searching for a boyfriend or worrying about whether your Boaz would find you. The search is not completely bad in itself: As a saved single lady, it is wise to allow yourself to be accessible but not desperate. While you go about your relationship with God and yourself, your daily routine and engagement in social or Godly communities, always remember to ‘let’ yourself be found. Leave the finding and chasing to your Boaz, that’s his natural design and element not yours! Your single days is a time to develop an intimate relationship not only with God but also with yourself. Do you pay attention to your health as an entire triune being (Spirit, soul and Body)? Have you really taken time to heal or recover after your recent breakup? Have you taken time to seek wholeness? Do you have any baggage or brokenness from previous relationships, your past or childhood? Do you have mummy or daddy issues or both? When was the last time you spoke with God openly and honestly about your wholeness?

Like the popular Greek quote says; ‘Know thy self”. As ladies we are natural nurturers and it’s so easy for us to get drowned in taking care of everyone else aside ourselves. When was the last time you went out on a date with yourself or gave yourself a treat? What do you love? What is your purpose? How well do you know you? If you do not know you or what you love, when you get married how do you expect your husband to know what you love if he’s not a magician? If you do not know your purpose, how then do you know which man is most suitable to help with your “purpose tool set”. Begin from now to be a help-meet! When you make effort to know and care for yourself, you are already helping your future husband and making his job a lot easier!

The single season is also a time to develop ourselves. How much time do you put into self-development? I dare you to: Take that course! Read that book! Develop that virtue! Go on that diet! Lose that weight! Learn that skill! Get that degree! Start that beauty routine! Start that organisation! Start that business! Go on that trip! Volunteer for that organisation or ministry! Write that book! Practice that food recipe! Go be a blessing and an encouragement to that single mum, widow or single lady in your church! Sow that financial seed into your local church or that organization or ministry! pay that child’s school fees! Answer the call of God on your life! The list can go on and on! Are you waiting for your knight in shining armour to arrive before you achieve that goal or step into your purpose?! I dare you to ride off into the sunset with God and go get your life and fulfil your purpose! The entire creation is waiting for your manifestation! Time is running out! This is the time to freely pour out yourself, fully express your purpose and build up yourself without too much distractions. No wonder, the focal patriarch of our faith; Jesus, was single! Your single season is a precious gift from God to you, show Him your gratitude by maximizing it!

In part 2 of this post, I would be discussing further on one paramount way you can maximize your single season and the depth of the gift of singleness. Until then, Thank you for reading. I love you! Stay firm in the Father’s love!

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